


sleepless nights

by livtontea



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: M/M, No Beta, Why Did I Write This?, look it's tagged snowbaz but like it isn't really, nothing shippy happens but baz loves him so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:55:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23071306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livtontea/pseuds/livtontea
Summary: Snow is watching me sleep.I guess I can't call that weird. I watch him sleep all the time, but it is weird that he's watching me.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 6
Kudos: 67





	sleepless nights

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first carry on fic and i wrote it in the middle of the night so nothing makes sense  
> i am working on more serious things though this isnt all i have to offer lol

**SIMON**

Baz is asleep. I'm not. I should be, but I don't know. There are too many things in my head right now. I can feel my magic under my skin. I'm lying awake in the dark, and I can't fall asleep.

Baz's hair is scattered across his pillow. I don't know how he looks so bloody perfect even when he's not awake. He says I snore. Or, not says. He complains about it.

Baz doesn't snore, obviously, because he's just too perfect for it. Twat. I know Penny sometimes drools when she sleeps—she's crashed on my shoulder before. Baz doesn't.

_Git._

His pyjamas are all posh and fancy, silk with embroidery or whatever. Mine are school-issued, but he's too good for that. I can't stand how he's too good for practically everything.

I can't sleep, so I lay on my side and watch Baz. I know it's weird. But he looks kind of nice like this. Peaceful, almost. When he isn't frowning as he plots my downfall.

I should be asleep. Instead, I watch Baz.

I bet even his breath smells bloody perfect right now. Tosser.

**BAZ**

Snow is watching me sleep.

I guess I can't call that weird. I watch him sleep all the time, but it is weird that he's watching me.

I'm not asleep. I'm good at faking it.

I can feel Snow's stare on me. It's heavy, and almost tangible, and I feel exposed. I feel like I'm burning.

It's only when it's like this, dark and quiet and when I'm not taunting Snow, that I let myself think about how it would be. To touch him, and not to hit him. Hold him. Lay in the same bed as him and watch him sleep and knowing that he doesn't mind.

That's never going to happen. Snow would rather stake me than have me in the same bed as him. I know it.

I wish he weren't watching me sleep. Not because it's weird or bothers me. Because it means I can't be watching him. I only get to love him when it's dark and he's asleep, and now he's watching me, and I can't roll over and stare at him until I've had my fill of watching him without fighting him. That sounds like I stalk him. I don't. If we didn't live in the same room, I might have.

Because I'm disturbed. Ask anyone.

I don't know why I'm awake. I should sleep.

But I can't, not with Simon's eyes on me. Because I can't help thinking about how it would be if he was looking at me like he cared. But he hates me, and when the sun rises, I hate him.

But I don't.

**SIMON**

I hate that he isn't bad-looking. If he were ugly, or something, hating him would be easier. Not that isn't not easy. He's a bloody prat and a stuck-up git, and he's _Baz._

But he's not bad-looking.

I bet if he was friendlier, he'd have girls draping themselves over him. He's even good-looking when he's being a prick. Which isn't fair. How can someone be taunting you until you literally explode, and still look good doing it?

Prick.

I realise I'm thinking about how pretty Baz is and nearly groan. I hate him. His shoulders slope under his blankets smoothly. His chest rises and falls, and he's asleep, and looks bloody good doing it.

Fuck him.

He thinks he's so much better than anyone. So much better than me, all because he has posh clothes and he's good at spellwork, and aces all of his exams, and because he's so pretty, or whatever.

I know I'm not as pretty as him. I don't care either way, but I don't think I'm pretty. It doesn't matter. I bet he holds it over me, how he's prettier and taller by those stupid three inches. Twat. I wish he snored.

Then he wouldn't have been so pretty. Not even in his sleep.

**BAZ**

I bet Snow looks beautiful right now. He always is, but he's probably even more beautiful like this. I bet the moonlight is falling over his face and threading through his curls. I bet his moles are like stars in the dark.

I wish I could tell him. I'm never going to. Not that I'm in love with him, not that he's pretty. He has Wellbelove and Bunce for that. Not the being in love with him part—the him being pretty part. I'm sure his friends are more than willing to tell him how bloody perfect he looks.

I would. If I were his friend. It would be an opportunity wasted otherwise.

Crowley, I wish I could sleep. Until Snow stops staring and falls asleep himself, though, there's not a chance.

**SIMON**

I think I remember Penny telling me about a Normal book. Dracula. Classic literature.

I'm pretty sure they defeated Dracula with bread. Is Baz vulnerable to bread? I think I've seen him eat bread before, but it wouldn't hurt to double-check.

**BAZ**

My eyes are growing heavy. Simon Snow is right there across the room from me, bloody perfect and bloody awake, and I can't even look at him without having him look back. He'd never want to look back. I know it.

Maybe I should just sleep.

**SIMON**

For a moment, it almost feels like we're not enemies. Like we're just roommates, and I'm the weird one watching him sleep because of some fucked up crush or something.

Wait.

What?

I don't like Baz. I hate him. He's bloody ridiculous, and a twat, and evil, and he's a _vampire,_ a vampire with grey eyes and perfect hair. A vampire who probably doesn't have morning breath, and looks ridiculously pretty when he sleeps. Not a hair out of place. Typical. He's good at magic and always holds that over me. He's…

Oh, shit.

I'm not in love with Baz. He's my enemy, and I hate him.

I don't know if I want to hate him.

I can't see his face in the dark. I wish I didn't have to hate him, sometimes. Maybe if we weren't on opposite sides of the war, we could have been friends, in first year.

**BAZ**

Snow is still watching me.

**SIMON**

I'm still watching him.

**BAZ**

Nothing good is going to come from this. He probably thinks I'm plotting something, even in my sleep.

I'd rather he didn't, but it's not going to happen.

Simon Snow hates me, and I'm hopelessly in love with him.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah they're both creepy weirdos next question /j  
> my tumblr is @bahumdrum if you wanna stop by :)
> 
> (i completely gave up on this ending but hey what you dont say out loud isnt true)


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